Cocaine was my biggest and hardest-to-kill addiction. I not only used it to get high but I used it to finish my 12-15 hour shifts at work. I got what I needed to get done and then I went to sleep, got up, and started again. In my mind, there was never an excuse to not sneak away for a minute and give myself that little boost. Well, the perfect excuse was my anger. I was out of control when I was high- I threw books at my boyfriend's head, I slammed doors and almost broke knuckles on punching sprees with the outside wall. I may not always be able to be up and overly- productive now but damn, I can experience normal emotions without the enhancement that made them get to be too much. Everything changed when I got sober, I became a healthy weight, I was ambitious about my dreams and not just the chores that day, and I could be in a healthy relationship where we sit down and talk through the problems rather than resort to violence. Knowing what I know now, I would never go back to the person I was then- life is beautiful and I'm grateful that I get to live it.
